Mary Eggers

“Can I help you with sizing?” The young salesman came around the rack. Speaking of racks….. I asked him if he was well versed in the fitting of sports bras….. and as he turned red he shook his head no.

 Didn’t think so. I smiled at him. I am all set.  

 Sports bras. The bane of my existence. The root of my troubles. No one in this entire world is qualified to fit me… a C cup… which I have been all my life…. into a sports bra. People who have claimed to be qualified, trained, certified  tell me they can. They can’t. They have failed with me 100% of the time.

 In 5^th grade I was at least 5’10” and a C cup. Doesn’t matter how much I weigh. The size changes the cup does not. C Cup. And unless you have done an Ironman in a sports bra as a C cup….. unless you have done four Ironmans and over 250 triathlons as a C cup, then you have no idea.

 Four years ago I found the perfect sports bra and bought 20 of them. No joke. Years of training is a lot of hours on them and they are asking to be replaced. Sports bras however are like running shoes. Where the enemy to a good shoe is a better one, the enemy to a great sports bra is a better one too. And so I began my search.

 They have the size right, the 32, the 34, whatever the size may be. But the cups, come on. I don’t even care about lift and separate, I don’t care about uniboob and I don’t care about mashing. I want no bounce. NO BOUNCE. Bouncing not only stretches the ligaments and tissues in the breast…. It hurts. Again try an Ironman while bouncing. In my days as a dancer I used to wrap myself with ace bandages and duct tape. NO JOKE. And I was 13.

 Then like many I graduated to the double sports bra. Two at the same time. But try to wear two sports bras under a bathing suit while you swim bike and run and that’s almost as uncomfortable as bouncing.

 Through the years I have tried all of them. Champion, Moving Comfort, Under Amour. Cheap ones, expensive ones. The brand that I have found the most luck with is the Champion ones. I have 20 of those like I said. 20. TWENTY.

 So I finally got up the endurance during this recovery week to go searching. I can’t even mail order them. I have to test them. Luckily the store had a big dressing room because I have to put them through the jump and running test. I have to run around the store in the bra. I have to jump around the dressing room in the bra. I have to bounce test.

 Armed with 15 sports bras I took a deep breath and with low expectations hit the dressing room. I squeezed, shoved, snapped, zippered, clasped, hooked and held my breath into bras too big, too small, too much the right size. Cups that were non existent, wired (ugh). Regular back. T back. B Back. Q back. X back. T back. I ran laps around the store looking like the insane lady trying on sports bras.

 Oh for the love of God…. I was the insane lady trying on sports bras.

 Each time someone asked me if I needed help I asked them if they had ever done an Ironman as a C cup. Have you ever had cuts so deep into your shoulders that you bleed? Do you have to alternate the style of straps not only with sports bras but regular bras because of the shoulder straps and indentations? That’s the requirement. You can’t be an A cup and fit a C cup. Because you just don’t know how it feels. Unless you used to be a C cup and your husband finally allowed you to become an A cup. In that case you can fit me and your husband needs to become my husband’s friend. You want to spend five thousand dollars to do what?????? Hell on the morning of my wedding we all ran 10 miles (the freedom run) and I cut so badly into my shoulders I pretended the big red blood line was a necklace. It’s part of the look I said!

 Once at a party (because I go to parties where group runs are involved) I forgot my sports bra. I borrowed Greta’s. She’s an A cup. I ended up running 5 miles holding my boobs with my hands. Needless to say the guys enjoyed running with me that night.

 Many people think it has something to do with weight. Gaining and losing weight does not make a difference. It makes a difference between size 34 and 32 but cup size is unaffected. The only time cup size was affected was pregnancy. And afterwards. I was so engorged I couldn’t breastfeed but I pumped for 6 months. 10 ounces every 2 hours. Thank you double electric breast pump. Industrial strength. In case you were wondering. I competed in a triathlon when my son was 6 weeks old, and that freaking hurt.

 Out of the 15 sports bras and a thousand three laps around the store I finally settled on two. And had to try them both on at least twice before making the final decision. A moving comfort and a champion. Heck I even bought pink. Even I get tired of white –turned-sweaty once in a while. If this one works it will be my new sports bra and the boobs will again be happy.

 So stay tuned for the report, first workout in the pink tight sports bra on Thursday. I will be sure to let you know how it goes. Until then, if you are a plastic surgeon looking to donate a breast reduction in return for me being your spokesperson…. And who would not want me? Shoot me an email. I AM INTERESTED. If you need a breast donation, call me. We can trade.

Filed under: My Training