ReigniteAugust 19, 2012
I felt like it was a command center around here this weekend. As I rode my bike Saturday morning (on the computrainer) I had the computer all set up watching coverage of USAT Age Group Nationals. A National Champion last year Curt took home 5th place, screwed by a difficult to sight swim. About 90 seconds separated the top five men in his age group.
Now that’s a race.
But I kept feeling this strange feeling inside of me. Like something rising up. I chalked it up to coach anxiety and moved along.
This morning I felt myself in the same situation again. Except now three races are up on the screen. I have three athletes racing IMMT, Curt is racing Sprint Nationals, and half the QT2 team is racing Timberman 70.3. And that feeling….. it’s there again.
Ugh…. I thought to myself…. what I would do to be out there racing today.
WHOA!!! I caught myself, I stepped back…… I smiled. What did I just say?????
I would do anything to be out there racing today.
Last year at Syracuse 70.3 one of the pros bikes launched off the top of his car on his way to the race. I tried to convince him to take my bike, I didn’t really need to race. At Texas 70.3 I was having a freaking party out there. All of the sprint races I did this season…. same thing. I was having too much fun. My head wasn’t in the game but not in an I don’t want to be out here sort of way. When I got passed, I didn’t respond to the challenge. I celebrated the athlete who passed me. Come to think of it that’s how I have felt since the end of 2010 to be really honest with you.
I thought burnout came in the form of… I don’t want to do this anymore. Not in the form of…. hey let’s have a party out here… sort of way. Trust me the latter is much more fun!
But now….. here I was……. and I swear I began to shake a little bit, okay a lot….. when I watched the cannon fire at Ironman Mt. Tremblant. I got nervous when Curt’s wave went off at Nationals. I watched Timberman splits come in with bated breath. I felt like I wanted to be out there. I felt like I wanted to be in the mix and in the game and I wanted to feel that feeling of racing again. You know that feeling….. that feeling of laying it all on the line and even crossing that line, running so hard you taste blood in the back of your throat and falling to the ground at the finish line because you gave it everything you had.
Oh my god. I thought to myself. My fire extinguished and I never even realized it.
I had to stop myself from scrolling through races. Simmer down Eggers, simmer down. We want this to build. Coach Michelle has me scheduled for a 5K, and a 10K before Philly. I need to actually get on the start list for IMMT and IMFL and get registered for the other races I have aimed for. I don’t want to shoot this cannon too soon….. I want it to build.
That feeling was what brought me through 10 miles on the treadmill in the garage this weekend (Curt was out-of-town) when it was beautiful outside. It was what brought me through a 3 hour computrainer ride and kept me awake last night…… dreaming.
I am dreaming again.
As I dreamt I got up and wrote down targets, outcomes, goals. I took a look at my life logistics and realized that they are better than ever if I am going to go dream chasing.
Before I became a QT2 Coach I owned my own business for 7 years. That meant I coached 20-30 athletes, did my own billing & accounting, ran all of the logistical pieces being a business owner requires you to do. Through the past year I have gotten to do 100% what I love. Coaching. I only coach 10 athletes, and that’s all I ever will coach, it allows me to give 200%. I am a much more effective coach that way. At QT2 we are not into numbers, we are into quality. I write Mission Plans as well and I focus on coaching education. I don’t do anything else when it comes to being a coach, and that’s allowed me to really find a good patch of clear water for myself. Coach Michelle’s number one goal for me was to find Mary time. I simply didn’t have it before because I had to always have one foot in the administrative side of coaching. (I am LOVING working with Michelle. It’s been a whole week. But I am LOVING HER.)
And in the past year I have learned more in terms of coaching and performance and mental fitness than those 7 years previous. But now I coach and learn. And there is Mary time. For the first time ever.
The stars have aligned for the next year……. it’s the perfect time for me to chase.
I didn’t realize I took this break but I took it long before I officially took it. Let me tell you though…. if you need to take a step back to allow the fire to rekindle, then do it. Trust me….. it will come back. Right now I am salivating and I mean salivating (sorry computer) that there are three races going on and I am not in any of them.
That’s the feeling I had lost and didn’t know it yet.
So here’s to the next dream to chase. And here is to the work I am putting in to achieve it. Time to hit that treadmill, with three computer screens following three different races…… inspiring me all over again.