It’s the end of recovery week and the beginning of the final push towards Ironman. I have reflected a lot upon the journey of the past year. Actually the past few years. What I have been through…. how I have come out of it…. where I am today. As I make my way towards my last Ironman (not last triathlon, it will be 70.3 and shorter) I am savoring every moment of it.

I love it.

There is a fine between passion and obsession when it comes to myself and this sport. I have been in the throws of obsession. When a missed ride would throw me for a loop, or not hitting XX pace for XX miles would cause me great worry. That’s long…. long gone. What drives me is the passion I have for not so much this sport per se….. but for the ability of even being an athlete.

I have been an athlete all my life. I grew up at morning swim practices. I grew up performing in front of large crowds. In some way shape or form I have been able to use the gift of being an athlete… the gift of movement… the gift of health….. to navigate my way through life. I know too many people who want to be able to DO….. and simply can’t. Because their body, for whatever reason won’t allow them.

I have lost my health twice and trust me….. I don’t take it for granted. It my worst problem today is that I miss a run or that I go slow…. it’s still a good day. Every single morning I give thanks for the steps I get to take. For the hours I get to spend on a bike, for the ability to cruise through the water. To pick up heavy things (—> heavy for me… and this is a new talent).

What drives me is not panic. Not insecurity. Not fear.

What drives me is again…. passion.

If there is any obsession here it’s the obsession of movement. The obsession for the feel of the wind in my hair. The obsession for what I get to see while I am out on my bike. What I have been through has caused the obsession for paces and mileage and weekly hours to vanish. Every step I take is a step forward. Every stroke I swim is a stroke towards. It’s never missed it’s only gained. If it’s missed there is always tomorrow.

It’s a good place to be. A good stage of my athletic life. It makes training and competing… happier. More fulfilling. More meaningful. I have to do things that have meaning. I can’t just grind in the face of the grind….. just because.

This Ironman has a lot of meaning for me. Why I am here in the first place. What I lost, then gained. The fact that it’s a literal family effort. Every day I thank my lucky stars for that. Trust me that this is so much richer and experience than not knowing why you are out there and being out there empty.

In three weeks I am headed to Mont Tremblant with a couple of friends. It’s one of those training weekends that we will each do our own thing yet we are up there together. In these scenarios I am not one for doing everything as a group, like in a camp situation. My goal is to be on the course and soak up the amazing beautiful scenery. I know how I pace Ironman. I know how I fuel Ironman. I don’t need to connect with the logistics or the details. I need to connect with the big picture. I need to feel the town. I need to feel the roads. I need to see the culture and the beauty of what will be around me.

In these types of training weekends I am very relaxed and very casual. I like going with good friends because I want to savor the experience. Years later you look back on these types of weekends as a “remember in Mont Tremblant when….”.

In these types of training weekends we have our own agenda. I have to be in charge of nothing. I like to lay back and relax and get to know what I am there to get to know. It has nothing to do with paces and wattage and nutrition. I know all that. I have all that down.

I am there to connect. To enjoy. To create what I need to create so that when I come back for Ironman…. it’s like I have a secret. And the only one who knows, who cares….. is me.

I am standing on the edge of this final push feeling very happy. Very rested. Very content. There are some wonderfully hard and longer days ahead and I look to them with hope. Last year at this time I was not in this place. I was at the beginning. And while there is no end to where I am going…. right here is the most amazing place.

As athletes training through blocks we expect that through the weeks we get faster. That things get better. That’s not really the case. As we travel through a block and the training stress increases (through volume and / or intensity) we accumulate and carry around fatigue. It’s like adding a drag suit in the water. The intervals we hit more often than not….. get harder to hit, take more effort, and in a training block that can feel discouraging.

That’s what happens when you look at the small picture. Step back. Look at the aerial view. We have to shed that fatigue and allow physiological change to happen (it takes longer than 7 days for adaptation to occur). That typically happens on race day. Mentally that can be hard to accept, especially when we are tired.

What happens when it counts…. is what counts. Expecting to see improvements in day-to-day training metrics is setting oneself up for emotional failure. That insecurity leads to our favorite social media posts, bragging about miles ridden, hours trained… etc. Instead….. have quiet confidence in what you do rather than looking for “wow, you’re amazing.”. Insecurity is a dangerous poison. That poison is what keeps us from realizing our true potential, and is the number one culprit in screwing up our recovery weeks.

“Jane rode 200 miles in 2 days…… oh god! So must I.”

Let Jane be Jane. Focus on YOU.

Recovery weeks are about shedding fatigue and allowing the adaptation to happen, so we can accept a bigger training load going forward. Here are my top recovery tricks:

1. Nutrition: I eat as nutritiously as possible (and I never… EVER said I was perfect!). By getting in the good stuff you feed your body what it needs to allow recovery and adaptation to occur.

2. Sleep: I am normally a good sleeper but I try to get a little more. Sleep is when a lot of healing takes place.

3. Massage: I get a massage from Kara at Midtown Athletic Club (she’s the best).

4. I cut volume and intensity: by 50-55%. Try as we might to place a magic number and % on the “right” amount of recovery….. the right amount truly depends on what you have done previously and what stressors are present in your daily life. Life logistics are one of the most important pieces of adding training load in my opinion…… and a facet that gets ignored most often.

Recovery can be difficult if you allow ego and insecurity get a hold of you. Those two things cause doubt and doubt leads to ignoring recovery…. which leads to 15 other issues. Trust your plan and trust yourself.

As you know…. my husband has taken the reins as my coach… and I couldn’t be happier with how it is going. I map out my training. I look at the data…. he keeps his eye on the big picture. What he’s done mostly is schedule in rest. There is no one I trust more than him…. and the partnership is going beautifully.

Wish I would have thought of this a few years ago!

Having that mentor or coach….. helps when you are trying to achieve something big. It helps to have someone to bounce ideas off of. It helps when that person truly understands this sport from the inside out. It helps when this person put a ring on your finger 13 years ago too!!!! As I head to this last Ironman (not my last triathlon…… in 2014 I will be focusing on the 70.3 distance, FINALLY) it feels special.

In my opinion….. even though I too have a hard time with it sometimes….. recovery is critical. Allow recovery and adaptation to occur, the next time you get to a starting line…. you’ll be rested, recovered and ready.

Saturday morning, Midtown Triathlon

I am not one to jump to be a race director, but for our club I got to be part of a great race directing team. Directing a race is not easy. Even an indoor tri.

Doug Mauro, myself, Tim Auerhan and Missy Witte. Awesome to work with.

Through four weeks in April I got to create and run an iAM Triathlete program. We brought 12 new triathletes to the sport, I was so proud of all of them!

So proud of this group!

It was a blast. Our day began pretty early, which is usual for me. What is not usual for me is our son begging to work all day with me. He got himself up at 5am and even came to the Fly by Night Duathlon with me. His mother’s day gift to me was being my right hand man.

It was so much fun. A ton of work goes into an event like this…. and trust me….. we as athletes never understand, never see and completely under-appreciate that. This is the only race I will help direct. Make sure you hug your race directors!!!!

Saturday Night; Fly By Night.

While Curt was out getting some training in and running transition clinics for Towpath Bike shop, we came home and took a quick one hour nap. Then we were off to race announce the Fly by Night Duathlon, one of my favorite events to announce! It’s on the Watkins Glenn race track! How neat is that!

Even though it’s a long drive, I wouldn’t miss this event for the world. It’s like the first day of summer camp…. you get to see all of your friends you haven’t seen in so long. I was excited beyond belief to hug so many people. Even our QT2 Systems pro Doug MacLean was there, dipping his ironman toes into a formula one duathlon!

Travis Kuhl won the event for the 8th year in a row. I always adore announcing this guy…. he’s a former professional triathlete (has a few sub 4 hour 70.3 races to his name), father of two, owns two businesses and he’s really what our sport is about. He also absolutely dominates this race annually.

Never mind that he’s won this race 8 times, how about my fabulous hair!

Sunday: Mother’s Day

I operate under self imposed pressure to get my training completed early in the day so I can spend time with the boys. To me, training must be secondary, never the first thing on my list. That’s just how I am. On Mother’s Day Curt and Luc insisted I sleep in (I made it till 6:45), took me out to breakfast and sent me out on my bike for 5 hours. That was their gift to me, and trust me it was a struggle to accept that (real world problems here, I know).

I had a fabulous ride. It was sunny, crisp and heck I even got a little bit of hail. When the 45 mph winds began to swirl I may have ridden a  little white knuckled but I was outside and it was sunny. It was good practice for me. It all went smooth, fine. I loved every second of it.

I loved the quietness of the ride.

As we were at Mother’s Day dinner …. I felt tired yet so exhilarated. It’s a lucky thing to be able to do everything you love to do. Every day. All day long. It’s a lucky thing to be able to share this life with these two guys.

Every time I go to Wegmans I stop and look at the Orchids. There’s a gorgeous display they keep up almost all year round and I think an Orchid is the most beautiful flower there is. I will never buy one, they are just too expensive, (yes I can afford one, I am just cheap) I can’t justify that much money for a flower… but I always look at them. I have never mentioned this to the guys.

But they bought me an Orchid and it brought tears to my eyes. They blew me away with that one.

It was an amazing weekend. Filled with everything, literally everything. Thank goodness this week is recovery week!

Filed under: My Training ]]> http://ironmomma.com/2013/05/13/weekend-recap-2/feed/ 1 maryeggers Doug Mauro, myself, Tim Auerhan and Missy Witte. Awesome to work with. midtown tri 1 So proud of this group! midtown bikes midtown peeps fly by night mary and travis http://ironmomma.com/2013/05/11/pieces/ http://ironmomma.com/2013/05/11/pieces/#comments Sat, 11 May 2013 08:04:08 +0000 maryeggers http://ironmomma.com/?p=6673 ]]> At the end of my yoga classes I read a passage from a book called “Journey to the Heart”, by Melody Beattie. It was given to me a long time ago, has been lost, found and then lost again. My most recent copy was given to me by a nun, who was also a yoga student of mine. She’s someone who… without needing to know the details….. knows the details.

I am a person of faith. Dare I say spiritual. I don’t go to church, I worship in my own way. I think many of us do. But I believe that there is something or someone… the higher power as we say….. and I believe with everything I have. Although it’s not always easy.

In one particular reading of the book, she speaks about a mosaic heart. To her it’s representative of life…. of the many fracture lines that run through our own hearts. They don’t heal, they are always there…. and they are a part of who we go forward as. The lines can become smooth, and they become what joins the broken pieces of us together again.

Photo by Kenny Maths

A few years ago I endured a tremendous loss. One that I have never recovered from. One that I will never recover from. Details aren’t important…. loss is loss. We have all been there. We all share that in our lives, mine is not exclusive.

A wise woman once reminded me that there are things in our lives that we never get over. We only get through.

It’s been a long time. The space between then and now is wide. Like an ocean separating us. I can go months, dare I say a year without shedding a tear, and then all of a sudden something… somehow raises it to the surface and I feel the world crash down all around me again. In this case literally. This week was that week. There was an anniversary of sorts, something caught my eye on the news…. I took an unplanned trip down memory lane. Nightmares returned. The kind that wake you up at 1am with a heart rate of 175, feeling like someone is crushing your chest.

All of a sudden it’s right here in front of me again.

Friday night I went to Yogapoluzza at Midtown Athletic Club, where I teach. I had the honor of team teaching 100 yoga students with 12 amazing people who I teach with. It was beyond fun. We laughed. We giggled. We were ridiculously silly.

My yoga family is amazing. And fun.

It was beautiful. I stood in the back row with my fellow teachers and as the rain poured down so hard you could hear it…. we flowed. We took turns teaching and we took silly pictures during. And it was light. It was fun. In yoga I get to feel so vulnerable and so protected. Like I have said before you don’t have to come there for any reason or even lay it all out on the table. We get one another. We flow and move and share that energy. As hokey as it sounds….. it’s real, if you are open to that sort of thing. It’s like the old school radio tuning into the radio station. If you can find the right station, and have patience you can hear it loud and clear.

As I said we laughed and flowed and were just…. together. I could feel that old grief…. that had come to the surface so unwelcome and so violently…. I felt it there. I felt it pretty deep. Just standing where I was standing was healing. Just being in the middle of that group of people was good for me.

There is no instruction manual on this stuff. You just have to ride the wave when it comes and not fear the wave when it rolls out to sea.

I left right afterwards not because I didn’t want to join the after yoga party….. but I just needed to… have space. Cry, remember, and run my fingers along that fracture line in my heart. Trace the pattern and know it will never go away, I don’t want it to go away. I am afraid of forgetting. I am afraid of moving on. I am afraid of losing the memory.

When it comes back like this it comes with things I swear I can still smell, hear and see. I can even remember texture. The feel. The embrace. The voice. The day before. The week before. The month before. The year before. Grief is fickle and finicky. Not only is there no instruction manual there is no map.

In my life…. I am the person people come to. Which is what I want. Which is what I love.  I am calm and resilient. I can see the big picture, I can see different points of view and I am a listener. I love to listen. I love being the go-to person for people. I love the feeling of being trusted.

What I am terrible at is reaching out. You start to feel like you should just be able to handle these waves as they come. So you get on the bike and you turn the pedals. You run the hills harder. You swim the laps faster. You know the depth of the pain in your heart and maybe if you go hard enough you can go deep enough to match the pain or maybe even touch the pain.

But you never…. ever can.

You don’t reach out… because there is just nothing more to talk about…. this wave has the same stories, same feelings….. there is just nothing to be said. It’s just grief. It never gets better, just further away.

As I walked to my car it was raining. That spring rain that promises new life. Part of me still reels, part of me still is ricocheting from it…. part of me wants it to just stop coming back…. and part of me is grateful that it does.

I find healing on that mat. I find healing walking in the rain. I find healing driving home in silence. I find healing in many places. In many people. On my bike. In the pool. Running. In that text from someone who doesn’t even know… just asking how you are feeling…. because you haven’t been yourself today. In the smile from the barista at starbucks when he guesses your drink before you order.  I find it everywhere. I am open to it. I take it wherever I can get it from. Because that’s what the world is for isn’t it?

There are a lot of fracture lines on this heart of mine. I am sure you have just as many. What shatters us into a thousand pieces is not always easy to articulate. It’s not something we ever HAVE to get over. But we get through. The pieces come back together and form this mosaic heart within us. There are the experiences that makes us who we are. That enables us to be there for others. To lend the shoulder.

Remember, the heart doesn’t stay broken. It becomes mosaic.

Sometimes it takes me by surprise. I still have this feeling? It’s still there yet it’s so different. When I was younger it was to prove to others. Get on top of that podium. Now that I am deep within this sport I find it much more personal, it’s not about the podium at all… yet sometimes I still land there….. this is a good place to be. I am not out there because I feel the pressure for the win…. I am out there because it makes me feel so vividly alive. From the tips of my hair to the tips of my missing toenails I feel alive when I am out there. I am giving it my all with so many people around me yet I am entirely alone.

I am not dictated my numbers per se. I am not aiming for specific grams or specific amount of time in particular zones. I pay attention to that stuff on a broader level… eat four fruits and veggies, fuel in the windows….. all that stuff. But no spreadsheets.

Instead there is fresh air. Sun that’s shining. Looking around and feeling the feeling of moving through the world at a pace I have known for longer than a heart rate monitor has been in existence. I know my body better than any watch can ever track or notify me. Like I said before I black box the data and look later because I like to play the game of… how close did I come.

I won’t let this drain me. I will only allow it to invigorate me. I will only allow it to bring me back to living. Feeling. Moving. Breathing. That’s what this is about for me. As an amateur athlete there is no need to allow this to become me, I can still become it.

This sport and I are old and good friends. We’ve had our moments, both good and bad. We have learned form one another. We’ve been together through some good health and some devastating health. But we’ve stayed together longer than most people ever last around here.
And it’s amazing because I love it more than ever. I love it. The love has come back to me. That flutter of my heart kind of love. Like that 5th grade crush when just thinking about it makes the butterflies begin to move around in your belly. That deep deep fire that slowly slowly burns.

The love has come back to me.

There is no reason to spend this kind of time and money on something that you don’t love. Every single time I turn the pedal I think about love. Every time I lace up my run shoes or pull the goggles over my eyes my thoughts revolve around the love I have. I might be tired and sore but it’s my choice and privilege to be.

In the rare instance I don’t want to do it….. the solution has become simple. I don’t. But by design I don’t typically get there. I let it come to me rather than force it.

It is possible to work hard, be dedicated, and love what you are doing. There is nothing about this that needs to be a sacrifice. A sacrifice is donating a kidney. All of us get to do this as a privilege and a choice.

Give it a try. Treat it as something you GET to do and not something you HAVE to do. Last I checked whether you are an amateur or a professional… we choose this. We get to do this. It’s amazing no doubt but it’s nothing we HAVE to do.

Treat it like that and watch the love for it come back and roll you over it’s so strong. Treat it like it’s the greatest gift besides your spouse and children and watch what happens. Treat it like the gift that it is and watch the real magic take place. You will be free to dig deep within yourself and find out what you are really made of…. Rather than be told what you are capable of and not capable of given numbers and power and paces and heart rate.

No great performance was careful. Every great performance required us to take chances. Every great performance asks us to go somewhere we’ve never gone before.

Guts… grit… passion….. love. That is what performances are made of.

Let me preface this with a few things: I have always had good bike fits. By luck I have always been connected with very savvy bike folks who know their way around a time trial bike fit. I have great trust in these guys as well.

The second thing I need to preface this with, is that when I go do something like this, I put myself into the hands of the expert. When I got married and picked out my wedding dress… I asked the bridal consultant to pick it for me. What did she think I looked best in? I got the perfect dress. My wedding cake… I told the bakery the same thing. Best cake ever. Wedding flowers… what did they think? Most beautiful lilies ever. In fact I told my sister and my matron of honor to pick their own dresses and wear what they felt good in. They had never met until the rehearsal and lived in different countries. They showed up in identical dresses, No kidding.

In my opinion…. when you go to an expert… let them be the expert. I am not someone who fiddles with my position…. I will let them know if I am not comfortable, but I let them do what they do best. Fit me to the bike.

Steve Stanziano is the Retul bike fitter at Towpath, and he comes with a ridiculous amount of experience. He’s trained with the best of the best but is one of those bike guys who doesn’t introduce himself as “Hi my name is Steve I have fit _____ and ______ and trained with _____ and _____.” He would tell you if he asked him, but he’s not the kind of bike guy who needs to tell you who he knows and where he’s been. I appreciated that. You can’t imagine some of the stories I have heard.

I am all about old school bike guys, and Steve is an old schooler. Sometimes I test out my bike guys by talking about friction shifting. If they don’t’ know what that means…. I usually walk. There is just something about the old schoolers that resonates with me.

Expect a fitting like this to take 2-3 hours. And expect to ride a good hour …. and expect to ride hard. Don’t do this kind of fitting at the end of a hard workout day. I’d advise doing it during a recovery week when you aren’t executing a hard morning ride, working a full day, then coming to a bike fit after intervals on the track. Be fresh…. you will have to put out some solid effort, and bring some hydration and fuel.

We began with an assessment. Steve starts by having you stand normally and looking at how you stand, your posture. etc. He walks you through various positions to assess your flexibility and range of motion as you are standing, balancing on one foot, bending forward, etc. He then has you lie down on a massage table and brings your legs and hips through more planes of movement to get a thorough assessment.

This is one of the rare instances that I was considered to be on the flexible side! YES!

That process took about a half hour. No one had ever done that sort of assessment on me before. When I have been asked whether I am flexible or not, I normally say no. But in this case I tested higher…. in the cycling world my flexibility is higher. That makes a difference in a bike fit.

Next Steve suited me up with several sensors, from my heel up through my head. He set up my bike on the Cycleops trainer, hooked everything into his fancy computer, and we were off.

I warmed up for about 15 minutes, and then Steve took me through a series of efforts, from short to longer, harder efforts. The sensors allowed him to measure several different angles at those different efforts and how those angles changed. Believe it or not as intensity increases we sometimes change our own position on the bike. But he was really comparing angles and ranges with power data. I was out of ideal ranges in several places. This is where we could tweak the position to see whether a new saddle height, a fore / aft change, etc could improve the output. Here is where we get some free speed without any more training. Bonus!

The changes that Steve had to make were not big ones. But they gave me bigger results and much more comfort. I don’t care if you get into a wind tunnel and the position that you are put into is the most “aerodynamic position ever”. If you are not comfortable in that position, then you aren’t going to ride well. You must be comfortable. Sometimes the initial changes aren’t necessarily comfortable. They are different and may take a week or two to get used to.

Some of the final measurements looked like this:

The adjustments that needed to be made were very minor. My seat needed to come down and forward, and my aero bars moved back just a touch. My aerobar set up is such that my pads can’t just be moved back independently. They are part of the system. Steve could have tried to talk me into a new set completely, and this is what I appreciate most about guys like Steve…. he began to fish. In my opinion a good bike mechanic will not just be a salesman, but a good mechanic. He found what he needed to make what we need to happen… work. Flawlessly.

My final fit:

I have been riding this position for a little less than a month…. and I am happy. I am comfortable and life is good.

I keep getting asked if I think the Retul bike fit is worth the price. The full Retul fit is $300. I think it is worth it. I always fail to understand why people spend $5k on a bike and then don’t invest the extra $300 … or even $150 for a good fit. All of that $5K that was just spent is null and void without a good fit. At Towpath there are some other options for fitting packages, any of which I think are great. Click here for those.

I personally think that one can learn a lot from a guy like Steve. His experience says it all. He has the answer to every single question, the education and expertise to fit just about anything to anyone and make it work and make it work well.

I walked in there with a baseline feeling of trust. I had met Steve before and I am really comfortable with Towpath Bike shop. What these guys are doing over there is pretty significant if you ask me. And I have been around my fair share of bike shops, trust me.

If you are interested in a fit…. better get yourself scheduled. STAT. Steve is pretty full 2-3 weeks in advance. The fitting takes 2-3 hours. Bring fluids and fuel and be prepared to ride. You will get out of this experience what you put into it. But I can guarantee one thing… you’ll get a great fit.

Filed under: My Training ]]> http://ironmomma.com/2013/05/06/retul-bike-fit-with-steve-stanziano-at-towpath/feed/ 0 maryeggers Retul 1 retul 2 retul 3 retul 4 http://ironmomma.com/2013/05/03/savor/ http://ironmomma.com/2013/05/03/savor/#comments Fri, 03 May 2013 08:44:39 +0000 maryeggers http://ironmomma.com/?p=6657 ]]> I don’t run in the evening often or by choice. If I run in the evening it’s by necessity. I’d rather be at home with my husband and son. I love evenings at home, at heart I am a homebody. Nothing special has to be happening. Sitting on the back deck, enjoying the summer warmth that has finally arrived, just hanging out.

When it comes to our children, the days are sometimes long… but the years are fast. I am on the brink of being the mother to a teenager. It was just yesterday he was born I swear!

I get reflective like that on evening runs for some reason. With my husband running the training around here I have also enjoyed a relaxed focused approach, with some new twist on old routes. I ran the tri-fecta as we call it. As series of 3 hills, a total of three times for 9 hills. The first is short and turns, the second is longer and drawn out, the third is steep and takes about 75 seconds to crest. It’s nice to not be running the same hill over and over for time. It’s nice to relax, open it up, black box the data (record but not get married to it), and it’s nice to FEEL running again.

It’s runs like these where as I crest that final hill I can see forever. The skyline of Rochester, and feel like I have a bird’s eye view of the world. I wouldn’t see that any other way. Never in my car, not even from my back deck (although I have a good view). It’s runs like these where I feel like I get to see the end of everyone’s day. A father and son were out shooting hoops. A mother was watering her lawn while her children were drawing with chalk int he driveway. While I am gone an hour I miss being at home during that moment, reminding myself why I usually run at early o’clock. I don’t want to miss those times.

I felt good on the hills, last week I felt weak. But last night I felt good. I let them come to me rather than force them to be a certain way. I have found that I always go further feeling than forcing. I felt relaxed about all of it….. finally. I attribute that to my husband for giving me guidance.

It’s not that I need a coach per se….. I have been in this sport almost 20 years and I have been coaching for 10. I can write training plans, I can write great training plans. But it’s not necessarily the training plans that we need help with. It’s that consulting piece. It’s that “what do you think of hopping into this race?” question to be able to bounce off of him, and he of all people knows my schedule and how much it can beat me up.

His insight is gold to me. I have an incredible amount of respect for him. While I have always forged my own way I have always valued his wisdom through all of this. Now it just seems more right than right to be collaborating. I take direction very well. I take direction when it’s removed of ego…. best.

I have traveled these roads so many times. So many different directions. So many miles. Miles that have made me who I am. Miles that have not been easy. Miles that have built character above anything else. Miles that have come easy.

But none of these miles have been without a great deal of gratitude.

As we slide into summer I always wish to put the brakes on the world. It’s busy, it’s fun…. but I want it to slow down. Savor every moment of it and experience the experiences we get to call life.

This… is called the Jacob’s Ladder. Or it might be just…. Jacob’s Ladder.

It’s a climbing machine. Those wooden bars scroll, like a treadmill. The higher towards the top you go, the faster it goes. If you went to Catholic School (as I so obviously did… Nativity of our Lord!) then you also know the religious reference of Jacob’s Ladder (that’s for you Sr. Rosemary….. I did pay attention!).

We have one of these at Midtown Athletic Club and of course Steve Lopes has put me on it a few times. Two weeks ago I climbed 276 steps in 3 minutes and thought I was a hot shot. (I was hot…. I had a temp of 103 we determined later. Martyr Mary at it again!).  That weekend Steve informed me that Shannon Mullen, star of Rock of Ages (and one of my yoga students for like ten years, plus awesome kiddo) climbed 296! I rolled my eyes. How could this be????? UGH. But for a week I had to keep the HR down, I was sick after all (empathy cue).

But I knew I had to top this. In my head I knew I could hit 300 steps in three minutes. That was the goal.

Enter Spaker. Midtown member and cyclist who informs me he climbed 284. I think. Some number around there.

The bear has been poked. 284? Ten higher than ME? My heart rate rose standing there. Steve taunted me. Spaker taunted me. Which let’s be honest….. I absolutely live for. Both know I have a slight obsessive-compulsive-competitive-vein running through my entire body. Only certain people know how to hit it just right (Steve), and I get all fired up.

Give me a number to beat and I will think about it. All. Weekend. Long. (LOSER!)

But here is the thing: I am getting fired up. Someone is setting the bar and I am rising to it knowing full well I might hit it, make it, or vomit trying. It’s been too long since I have felt like that.

You see Ironman racing is a different beast. It’s a long event that you endure. You visit corners of yourself that you don’t know exist. It’s like a lot of what I have been through in my life. Long painful experiences that I have endured. I have found places of myself I didn’t know existed and I came out of it for the better. Maybe that’s why I love the Ironman so much. Because I am very very good at enduring.

What I miss…. and crave is the firing up-knock-em-dead-push-till-i-puke efforts. I am not excellent at those (yet) but good god do I love them.

I decided that on Monday night at 8pm, after my iAM triathlete class was finished at Midtown Athletic Club…. that I would take down the record. I was aiming for 300 steps in 3 minutes, or vomit trying. I put it out there, took the heat, engaged in the trash talk…. totally unsure of whether I could do it…. and my class was there to witness. Win lose or draw I was going to go for it. I am not afraid to fail…. people think I am…. trust me I fail all of the time….. and I am willing to do it in front of many.

I had this silly idea to put my Garmin on the machine, to read my heart rate. I know my lactate threshold and I thought that if I was at a point where I needed some motivation…. I could look over and see where my HR was and use that as some incentive to go harder. That silly move will be important shortly.

I placed the garmin, wrapped the belt to the machine around me…. took a deep breath, and in front of my class, began the climb.

On the machine you can watch the time and the average steps per minute. Right away I was over 100. As long as I could keep it there I was golden. I got into a rhythm, the gang was cheering. I had this. At 1:30 I felt that first rush of oh-my-god-i-am-going-to-die wash over me like a warm wave of take it easy here Eggers. You were sick….. you are just getting better… this doesn’t really matter….. just ease off. The devil was on my shoulder.

I shook my head as one of my students called out “You are halfway there, you can do anything for 1:30!” they were right. I listened to their words and knocked those thoughts of reclining out of my head.

Make this hurt Eggers. I told myself. Go. Hurt. Vomit. Harder. Die if you must.

I glanced over at the Garmin to see where the HR was…. then I slipped. OH MY GOD WHO DOES THAT? Me. I lost my footing and struggled to regain it as my average slipped to 90! Come on Eggers. My students got on me…. go Mary go mary go mary….  I got it back, over 100.

My heart was hurting me, never my legs and never my shoulders. My heart. My blood felt hot. I went harder. I got to 2:30 and I tried to begin calculating where I would end up. Who cares I thought… climb!!!!

I hit 318 in 3:00.  They cheered. I stopped.  Which was another dumb move because as soon as I stopped is when I almost threw up. (cool down anyone). My head was light, I began to cough like a smoker. Then THAT feeling came over me. You know….. that one. Not that feeling of victory (but let me take this moment to say I crushed Spaker. Crushed. And that feeling is nice!) … that feeling of going so hard that I tasted blood in the back of my throat. That feeling of going so hard that I saw stars. That feeling of going so hard I was about to pass out.

I love that feeling. I miss that feeling. I want that feeling again. I love to get toe to toe with myself and I don’t care how I have to get there. A challenge at the gym…. while maybe there is no qualifying Olympic standard for the Jacob’s Ladder…. (oh hell maybe there is…..) if I can find an opportunity to go there I want to go there.

It makes me feel alive. It let’s me touch the center of my damn soul and getting to that place is something I am completely addicted to. But I never find in the Ironman. I am too busy eating and pacing and enduring. Like I have done my whole life.

I want to taste the insides of my intestines again.

The day I signed up for Ironman Mont Tremblant I knew it would be my last Ironman. Not my last triathlon…. make no mistake I am not retiring from competing or coaching. I want to go shorter. I want to go harder. I want to go off the beaten path. I want to run a stand alone marathon. Ride my bike across the country with my family. Swim at Masters Nationals. Compete in events like the Seneca 7 and an urban challenge thing I am doing with the Midtown crew in October.

I want to go to USAT Age Group Nationals. I want to run several half marathons.

I don’t want to pay $800 for an Ironman entry fee (when I began this sport 10+ years ago it was $250). I don’t spend all day Saturday on my bike and I don’t want to. I don’t want to go to Kona. Been there. Done that. The next time in Kona I will be surfing with my husband and son and standing on a volcano.

I have loved the Ironman for over ten years. And I love it enough to know when to say when. August 18th…. will be when. It will be bittersweet in many many ways. This Ironman is special for many reasons. Mostly because of the team that is helping me to get there. If I sat them all down you’d find each person has nothing to do with the other yet as an integral and intricate part of me. And each person is a gift to me and I am holding them all tight because some of them know…. and some of them don’t have any idea of what this particular Ironman means to me.

It’s representative of my life. What I have endured, survived, learned. It’s a selfish endeavor but at the same time the biggest healing project I have ever taken on. Ever. And I don’t think I have the ability beyond these words to convey how much gratitude I have for my team.

When I am issued a challenge like this I love it. It’s what makes my world turn, my heart beat. I want the challenge. I want to feel that burn in my lungs. I want to see how far I can actually go. Sometimes I succeed. More often than not I fall on my face, lay on the ground and yell “F*CK!” but that’s just me really saying…. hell it feels so good to be alive.

I am an athlete and that is the biggest privilege I have ever been afforded. I will slide into that grave someday beaten and worn, ready for an eternal nap. I have gotten to meet and experience the most amazing people ever. They set the bar and I get to come apart trying to reach it. Because it’s freaking fun. I love to talk sh*t with people I respect. I love that people will talk sh*t to me, try to get me all fired up….  and make me work for something.

I call it poking the bear with a red hot poker. Bring it boys. Bring it. And thank you for it.

Filed under: My Training ]]> http://ironmomma.com/2013/04/30/poking-the-bear-with-a-red-hot-poker/feed/ 0 maryeggers Jacobs ladder mary's ladder record http://ironmomma.com/2013/04/29/preview-3/ http://ironmomma.com/2013/04/29/preview-3/#comments Mon, 29 Apr 2013 08:56:43 +0000 maryeggers http://ironmomma.com/?p=6647 ]]> May is this weekend and you know what that means! Triathlon season is HERE! I feel like I have been waiting my whole life for this! My triathlon season gets jam packed really quick… because I am an athlete, coach, Score This!!! series race announcer…. and loads more. Summertime is fun time, and I can’t wait for all this to get started. Here is what I will have on tap:

Race announcing: I have been the voice of Score This!!! for several years now…. and I love it. I am the girl on the mic who leads you through race morning, heckles you during your race and announces (more often than not mispronounces) your name at the finish line! Here are the races I will be announcing at this season.

• May 11th: Fly by Night Duathlon
• June 2nd: Strassburg Sock Keuka Lake Triathlon
• July 6th: Runner’s Remedy A Tri in the Buff
• July 20th: Rochester Kid’s Triathlon
• August 10th: Riverside Federal Credit Union Summer Sizzler
• August 24th: The Rochester Triathlon
• August 25th Tri Dunkirk
• Sept 7 & 8 Finger Lakes Triathlon
• Sept 28th: A Pain in the Alleghenies

Coaching/ Clinics

• Transition Clinic Saturday June 1st at the Keuka Lake Triathlon. Stay tuned for more info!
• At the end of June I will be speaking at a cycling summit
• I will be holding an open water swim clinic in the beginning of July down at Canandagua Lake. Stay tuned to the RATS site for more info as that becomes available.

Racing: The trick with everything I have going on is…. when do I get to race? My race schedule is always in a  bit of flux due to that fact… but my main two events are the Musselman 1/2 Ironman in July and Ironman Mont Tremblant in August. I will be squeezing (literally) in some shorter distance events between now and then, as they pop up! This is where recovery and restoration becomes really really important for me. I do a lot of traveling around these parts beginning soon…. so that becomes critical. I am also hoping to run the Philly marathon in the fall, as I was unable to last season.

OH! And my first BOOK is due to be released on June 1st. “Mary Eggers Yoga for Athletes” will be a very simple guide for the athlete who has always wanted to fit a yoga practice into their busy training regimen! Stay tuned for that!

So as you can see…. it gets busy soon, but the best kind of busy a coach / athlete / triathlon gal could ask for. I get to do all of this with my family…. as we are all involved in this in some way shape or form! It’s like going to summer camp every year and getting to see all of the amazing people I only see in the summer.

Love. This. Life.

I got pretty sick the past few weeks. After a winter of very solid health I totally fell apart. It was my own fault. During school break I took on too many cycling classes in terms of subbing, and when I take on too much, one thing leads to another and I found myself on that slippery slope. I haven’t been there in a long time. When I was 30 I could get away with that kind of reckless training. But at 39 I really can’t.

My passion is teaching though, and I can’t turn down an opportunity to ride with the amazing people I get to ride with.

I got pretty sick for a good two weeks, yet surprisingly didn’t miss much training. In my opinion… and I am an RN so I take medical credibility here…. I think that if you are baseline very active, then training through illness isn’t a bad thing. I kept the intensity very low, like real low. It enabled me the opportunity to breathe deep, to improve circulation and in the end to recover faster. There were no intervals and one day off. I trained as long as I felt good, which was no more than 2 hours a day. There were a lot of naps however and a lot of really good nutrition. I was right on the edge of falling into that deep hole….. but I didn’t. I have good people around me who know me enough to stop me.

I am just like every body else in this sport. But as a coach and a role model I hold myself to a higher standard. If I am going to preach to you about R&R, then I need to be the example I wish to be. And I wasn’t. The good news is that I am again 100% and I didn’t dig myself too deep a hole that I can’t pull out of.

This is where having a coach is the most beneficial. Through the past 2 weeks I had to pull the plug on 2 of my athletes in terms of training days. There are days when we have to do that, and days where we need to push through. When I am so focused on them, I lose focus on me. Martyr…. I know.

When my husband declared he would be assuming the coaching role of my training…. I was grateful. Coaching is expensive these days and at this stage of the game I know what I need to do and there are better places to spend that money. What I have needed was a consultant, a mentor…. and Curt has provided that for me.

As a husband and wife who have been in this sport for longer than many of the kids these days have been out of grade school…… we have always talked training on a daily basis. But we have made it a point to never dictate one another’s training and to never make it a point of contention. While Curt has certainly helped me with gear issues…. if I have an issue with my bike its ultimately up to me to take care of it. We keep it together yet separate. We don’t train together…. that’s our personal time. We give that space to one another. After 13 years of marriage I think we are doing something right, and for us this is one of those things.

We are also parents, and while our entire family is involved in this sport we like to keep our focus on our son and life beyond sport. I have never been happy when my focus is secular. We have a pretty well rounded life.

Curt, in one week…. has been able to provide me with exactly what I have needed. I wrote the whole IMMT plan out months ago. I create the training blocks. He oversees it and makes suggestions. For example as I have been recovering this week I have to pay attention to my level of fatigue. We decided I would keep everything very aerobic and frequent this week and through the weekend get in some of the bigger miles if my health allowed it. Which it looks like it will!

His training is very simple: consistent and progressive. Just like we plan for our athletes. I like the little things he does however that have already felt to have made a difference. At the completion of recovery runs he has me do five minutes of jump rope. (It helps keeps my achilles strong). My hill run today is not the same hill 6 times…. it’s 3 times through the “trifecta”. It’s a route I have run a million times but never thought of structuring it the way that he does.

He has a well rounded experienced approach that mirrors what I have spent years learning from the best in this sport. While not one system fits every athlete…. it’s always interesting when someone like Curt developed his own style through 25 years of sport….. and it’s what coaches and exercise physiologists write about years later. There are common themes that work.

One week and it’s a good fit. I like the relaxed approach. I like not having my data scrutinized (I do that myself) and I like the ability to say “What do you think.” It’s good for me where I am at right now.

I never want to lose the fun of all of this. I find multisport to be an incredible amount of fun. No matter who we are or what level we compete at…. no one will write on my tombstone “Was really fast.”. What they will write is “Beloved mother, wife, daughter., sister and friend. Fought her heart out against cancer. ” Those are the roles that will be with me forever. This sport will always be part of my life. I have been faster in the past and I feel as I approach 40 I can be just as fast. It comes with time. It comes with patience. It comes with being in the right place emotionally and physically.

Honestly right now I am there. I feel lucky. I see some of these kids tearing themselves up about races and wheels and bikes and this and that. I am kicked back, one hand in my pocket…. knowing that life is bigger than all of that. Oh trust me…. I have been there and been that kid too. I am just glad to be where I am now. We all go through that. It’s called …. life.

I am on the mend. It was a small enough hole that I can crawl out of. I am in good hands. Between my husband and Steve I am in really good hands. I value their insight and I value their opinions, and their experiences. I never take that stuff for granted. If anyone….. including my husband is willing to take the time to guide me…. I don’t take that lightly. I am honored.

We did decide to pull out of the Woodstock half Ironman next week, which was a crusher for me. But to save my trailing volume I would have had to train through it. The water is in the high 40′s right now, and the risk of getting sick again could set me too far back. So we will readjust and likely run a 5K instead and get me out there and racing. I have loved the events I have gotten to race in through the past 2 weeks and I want to get in there and get dirty as much as I can.

At the end of the day…. we have lives. We are not just triathletes. When I personally fall into that secular focus I miss the rest of my life. I lose out on the fun. And I won’t do that, nor will I ever again sacrifice my health for it either.